What makes a Cast Away Christian? Reason #4

So we are down to my final reason that Yong Adults are distanced from religion and that is The Episcopal Church itself. Youth in our church are told that they are the future of our church. They are made to believe how important they are to the life of the church. They are coddled and given everything. Parishes will bend over backwards to help them pay for their ski trip or mission trip to Mississippi to help out hurricane victims. Parishes let them preach and even have a youth Sunday to show how important they are. Our Diocese even has a delegation of youth that allows one youth from each convocation to vote and be a part of the governing body of the church. They have retreat weekends, provincial and national gatherings to go to. I know that all sounds great, but as I have said before, every positive has a negative side effect.

The negative I see is that we are spending so much time "doing" things for our youth, that we are not equipping them with the skills needed to do it on their own. Very few of our youth have been given leadership training, so when they get to college or young adulthood, they have no idea how to act in the church. They just wait for someone to give them something to do, and most of the time the church doesn't do that so they are left to be a lonely pew sitter. We are good about giving money to youth groups, but most of our college ministries can't even afford a meeting space. Most parishes have a youth room, some young adults don't even have a spiritual guide they can talk to. They are left to go to a parish where they know no one and sit quietly in the back until someone notices them and says something. And when the going gets tough, one of the first things to go is that college ministry or the youth/young adult priest starts concentrating on the youth. It sends a message that the church really doesn't care about us. It says that unless we are willing to put ourselves out there and ask for help that we are going to spend the next years lonely in our faith. Even worse, we wonder why when young adults have kids they aren't coming back to the church. They aren't coming back because they were thirsty and we had no time to give them water. And if we are not careful, there wont be anyone who wants to come back.

All these factors lead to a generation or two who are lost. They have no family near them, superficial friends that they communicate with mostly on the internet, no church to run to when times get tough, and actual friends who are only there for them if they don't bring God in to the conversation. That is what I mean when I say Cast Away Christians. I have faith and hope that one day young adults will find a way to stand up and be heard, that parishes will know how to hear them, and that youth will be turned into leaders that know the right language. It is possible, we all just have to be ready to work together and figure it out so that the generations after us don't have to feel lost and cast away by the church.

What makes a Cast Away Christian? Reason #1

I began this blog by telling you a little bit about who I am and now I would like to talk a little about the Cast Away Christian Society. Cast Away Christians are Generation X and Generation Y for the most part. They are a new generation of young adults (roughly 20's and 30's) who are trying to decide what part religion plays in their life. They want to know how to incorporate a deep faith in Jesus Christ with a world that is confusing and sometimes hostile towards Christianity. I see four major reasons we feel like cast aways in the church and over the next few blogs, I would like to discuss these reasons.

The first is society and social norms. Being an Episcopalian in this society, especially in the South, is very difficult. There two sayings representing what Episcopalians are taught from the day they step in to an inquires class that make this statement true. They are:

Go forth and tell no one and Jesus died to take away your sins, not your brain.

One of these is a statement that allows us to remember that questioning and doubt are parts of our humanity and are important to our lives as Christians which is an integral part of the Episcopal faith. The other is a statement that is meant as a joke, but is true to who we are as Episcopalians. We are very used to keeping our faith close to our chests and not always sharing it. I think both of those things have made being an Episcopalian in this society difficult. People in our group always say "to our Christian friends, we are not Christian enough" because we do not adhere to a bunch of strict rules that require us to all agree and live by the same principles. But "to our non-Christian friends, we are Christians" which makes us the enemy from the get go. People in our generation don't know many Christians who don't want to proselytize and "save" everyone. They don't understand that we also are just trying to figure things out and that we just want to show them Jesus through our actions and not our words. It puts us in a very lonely category. And when we have no church body to help us discover how to navigate all this, it makes the situation even worse. I hear young adults all the time asking for ways to get mentors inside the church body who will listen and help them understand how to make it through this difficult time in life.

Just to clarify, some of the issues I just spoke about do apply to all Gen X and Gen Y people. We all have to find a way to integrate our Christianity into a society that for the most part is antagonistic towards faith. They see faith as a repressive thing that can only constrict and suffocate them from the things they like to do. If you cuss, drink, have sex, or "do anything fun" then you aren't acting in a Christian like manner. They don't want to be part of an organization that tells them that all the things they enjoy, things that society and our peers have told us is cool to be doing, are wrong and bad. They want to be able to have fun and explore a deeper relationship with God without the pressure of being perfect. I mean seriously, aren't your 20's supposed to be about finding out who you are and what you want your life to look like? Doesn't grace account for the ability to be yourself and make mistakes?

Who is Lauren Woody? Part three, The Now Years

So where does this put me now? I am a 30-something woman who is trying to find a way to bridge the gap between the early years, the college years, and the now years. I find it difficult sometimes to find that bridge. I am also a person who is just starting to settle down. I have finally found a way to weave my spirituality into my vocation. I have been through almost 5 different professions in the last 12 years, and I have finally found one that is fulfilling. I am in a long term relationship that is headed towards marriage. We are trying to figure out what all that means and when is the right time to "take the leap"? I am learning to accept that my parents are starting to get old and have health problems. My ten year high school reunion has come and gone. The first car I ever bought is starting to break down. I am hoping to buy a house soon. I don't go out to bars much anymore. My favorite activity on a Friday night is to have friends over for dinner and play board games. All this signals a life that is starting to slow down. I am reaching the age that no longer needs someone to fight for them, but can actually do the fighting for themselves. I am ready to fight and I choose to fight for a generation that hasn't fought for itself.

I work for a Diocese full of wonderful and supportive adults who are trying to help me figure it out. I have one Bishop who is our biggest advocate, who tells everyone he meets what a vital part of the church young adults are. He supports the work that we are doing and wants to be a part of it as much as he can be. Our Assistant Bishop is just as great. He has a love for young adults ministry and acts as my close mentor and friend for most of the trials I come across. He has even created a friendship with my boyfriend, who considers himself a heathen. I am very lucky to be trying to answer these questions in such a loving environment. I am so blessed and would like to use those blessings to help gain information for young adults in Dioceses that are not so lucky. I want to use this blog as a resource for people who are like me and want to try and figure things out.

Who is Lauren Woody? Part Two, The College Years

When I left for college a few months later, church was the last thing on my mind. I was still angry with God for taking away my grandparents. I went to a school with a great Episcopal College Ministry, but I knew nothing about it. I am sure if I had, I wouldn't have gone anyway but it would have been nice to know they were there. I took out my anger with God for taking away my grandparents, with my grandparents for dying, and with my parents for lying about her health by partying and not going to class. I partied so much that I did not make very good grades my freshman year. By my sophmore year, I was ready to leave Auburn and move home. When I got home to my parents house in Mississippi, I stopped my partying and decided to work on being a better human being. This still did not include church, because on some level, I felt like the church had let me down. When I "fell of the face of the earth", no one called to see how I was. No one called to see where that cute, fun girl had gone. It was like all those years of being involved were for nothing. I was a cast away.

It took me a few years before I was ready to step foot in a church on my terms. I had gone on the major holidays to please my mother, but I did not enjoy the service and I did not want to hear anything being preached from the pulpit. When I decided to go back, I started trying to find someone to go with. The thought of venturing alone into that place that had been my greatest source of community was terrifying. I went to other denomintations with a few friends, but it made me realize that I was definitely an Episcopalian. I finally found out that a friend of mine from college was Episcopalian (go forth and tell no one was obviously a motto we both ascribed to) and we decided to go to church together. We decided to go to a church were he knew the priest from his childhood. When we got in the sanctuary, the first thing I noticed was that we were the only people our age in the room. During the announcements, when prompted, we stood up to show that we were visitors. Before I could even turn around to get my purse at the end of the service, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was smiling woman, probably in her fourties, with a husband and two kids. She immediatley introduced herself and said "you are just going to love this parish. We went on the parish retreat last weekend and all they did was get drunk and tell dirty jokes. It isn't even like church at all!" I remember thinking, I am so glad I am an Episcopalian, because if I was a Baptist trying out a new denomination, I would never come back.
Just so you know, I found her statement to be very endearing. I thought "this woman wants to say something to me that will make me feel welcome and want to come back", but I am pretty sure that was not the way to go about it.

This brings me to the real problem I find in churches. If I go into the building and I am the only person my age then why would I feel comfortable? If I go and my only conversation is with a person who thinks my hobbies are drinking and being inappropriate or even worse, no one acknowledges me at all, then why would I want to come back? If I look on the pew card (which is usually a good representation of what is important to a parish) and the only groups are aimed at children, youth, and older adults, then what is my incentive to stay? I know plenty of young adults who have encountered one of these problems and it is leading to a church with no middle generation. It is leading to a generation of Cast Away Christians who want to worship, be in a closer relationship with God, and find community, but have no reason to believe that a pew is where they are going to get it.